|Time With Tamika|
Relationships & Life
I made a request weeks ago or maybe it was longer. I looked into the demise of what I once knew and fathomed a life of being viewed as who I really am. I prayed to myself in the silence of my own loud thoughts. I internalized what I wanted. I repeated it once again to my mom in a fretful state of pain. Through the tears, I sobbed, saying out loud, “I need more here. I cant do it anymore, not alone.” I hated that I could feel everyones pain. That I could and would take it on for them, protecting them from it all. My visions would come to me like light flashes, quickly flicking, if I chose to focus, to zoom in, I could see it all.
Its tough to see it sometimes. To have dreams and nightmares; sometimes good and sometimes bad, but they come true. To cope with it all I need a significant amount of alone time to rekindle the importance of me. So being alone... I know how to be that. I have perfected it. Still I need it in moments to balance my hectic life and most just simply cannot understand that. The needs, wants, and desires of others rocking my circle of defense can cause an emotional breakdown so severe that I question my existence and really wanting to end it all...but I can’t. I will not.
In the meantime, I had to be refilled. What once satisfied my core needs was not enough. I meditated. I connected to nature. I read. I wrote. Still I needed a person. A person to accept me without judgement. To hear me, see me, and just be there. To fill me up and not take from me like everyone else. There has not been anyone in my life like this before, besides my mother and grandmother, but I needed the connection now. For them to be present here, and to just be....
I’m so grateful for you. You have no idea. I think I will continue to bug you, only because you have given me the personified vision of what it was I was asking for, at the right darn time.
Author: Tamika Carlton
I am simply motivated, focused and always inspired!
Follow me on Twitter @OTMag