|Time With Tamika|
Relationships & Life
Listen...it has been far too long since I took the time to sit and write. Type on this laptop and listen to music getting me in my zone. Listening to Lauryn Hill, I'm feeling like the world is not what you make it - it is what you seek. See our thoughts define our reality and the ways and what we see spawns our energy or so that is what we think. Life is...simply put. It is what you believe it is and how you carry yourself in every moment. No need to stress. No need to ponder about irregularities happening - these are all present to make you feel grateful and remember nothing is in vain.
I used to be entirely too impatient and annoyed by any delay, any disappointment. I reacted to others actions because of my own perceptions and insecurities. Every occurrence wants to teach you, guide you, show you where you are and when it doesn't feel right it is time to move in a different direction. The hesitancy. The unwillingness. The fear of change will keep you in the same state for as long as it takes for you to decide - make a decision to be different. Try a new approach. Engage in the new. The true. The unknown - - - - - that is lOVE.
That my loves is all that we are here for...to love, be love and to be loved.
As 2015 approaches its ending, as 2016 creeps upon us, as most of us do, I am reflecting. 2015 has brought so much undeniable growth. The type of growth that is needed but causes such a downpour of emotions. I have been faced with significant challenges all testing the word of love. Whether it be love of self, love of others, love of this world and love of the whole. I have had to confront the pain I once ignored, forced to face the ones I really wanted to avoid and given the chance to truly speak my voice. I have pushed through the challenges of every wannabe setback. I have demonstrated my core beliefs of loving unconditionally and most importantly I have done so without compromising who I really am. I know ME. I know when times get tough, I do the best I can. I love hard. To think before I speak, to understand my words matter, and my life is an example of the goodness that we all desire. Just as is yours. When you live in your absolute truth you show others how to do the same. I accept and love every piece of me and not one worldly measurement can sum me up. I AM whatever I say I Am if I wasn't then why would I say I AM....remember that?!
Believe that....and when in doubt...I have learned, how can one love someone that says I love you, but does not love themselves?
Love you ALL!
How many times have you heard love does not hurt? Love is kind? Love is happiness?
We've heard it all before, right? Or what about love is a choice? I have innately buried my own ideals on love in hopes of preventing myself from experiencing what I believe love to be. As long as I can remember the most important aspect of life has been love, to me. To love another has been such a major focus of mine, to make sure those around me are able to comprehend and most importantly feel the love I am forever offering. They say what you give, you get. It took awhile as the conditions of loving had to be picked apart in various situations and experiences. So young, yet so seasoned when it comes to seeing the best in others. The aptitude of feeling such things has ensured this very moment of my choosing love. To choose to love is my current ideal. It has sustained its strength in the moments I recall life itself. The automatic approach of choosing to be love has catered to my seeing love in all things. As I choose, love chooses me, it is nothing more than the reflection of what is. What I feel internally, individually, is exactly what the world presents to me in physical form. I know what it feels like...
I know what it is to be recognized for who you truly are, and only because I recognize the truth in others. Such a blessing!
I'm just grateful to have heard it all before...
As tough as it is to render your past experiences irrelevant, as annoying as it is to take the choices once made and simply move forward, as difficult as it is to change, its time. How can one expect a different and favorable outcome without changing anything about themselves first? I remember thinking about building a new relationship. I was so focused on the wrong things to be attractive in a man. So consumed by fine tuned matters when in all actuality all was needed was some genuine love wrapped up in a situation filled with good components: dedication, attentiveness, communication and accomodation. I had such high expectations, but those same things I was barely willing to provide. I wanted a guy to open their heart to me, to trust me, and one that could be completely trusted. Funny thought...I wasn't prepared to open my own heart. I wasn't ready to trust, yet again. My past of pained relationships and unpleasant situations created the annoying presence of my suitcase. I brought it to my new situations. See love is always present. Love is always there, but it waits for you. On the sidelines it steadies itself hoping to be recognized as your gift. Most times it is ignored. You must be prepared to accept all that is in store for you. To surrender to what is greater than self, to look beyond, to view the past as just that and live in the moment. He makes me do that. He makes me search for nothing more than what is seen, and the best that is felt. Every moment the same...filled with great love.
Now I'm ready. No fear. No suitcase. Just this momentous situation.
Dating can be fun. Finding love can be difficult and the task of combining the two is exceptionally mind boggling. Especially for the analytical mind of a woman. See, the thing to remember to prevent you from sudden mishaps of unnecessary annoyance is understanding that the person you choose, the partner that you are destined to be with is someone you need and not what you may ideally “want.” Real relationships provide you with what is needed for your growth. They are not present to pay your bills and provide you with the designer shoes you want. That man is there to challenge you. To break down your barrier of faith, of trust, of fear. To cater to your needs and later your wants will be added to the list of greater accomplishments. Women want it. They say they are prepared, but lets be real, when exactly what you need walks right up to you, the questioning begins. What do you want? Are you here for the sex? Do you really care about me? Are you a cheater? Oh the list could go on and on and on. Those questions are your own insecurities popping up for you to do nothing more than to pop your fear bubble and allow yourself to follow the path to happiness. It’s a choice.
Break down your walls. That thing you call pain you are desperately protecting yourself from is lending you a hand of loneliness. So ask yourself, what is it that you really want from your man? What are you prepared to do differently this time to get something different? Hmmmm...be ready!
As always I’m here to talk as your questions come pouring in....
The voices of pain always attempt to forcefully change my mind. Every action I take, every moment of love I have untied and tried to offer my all to those not readily exposed. Trials and tribulations make me seek the best in a humanity so focused on persevering in what never matters. It is the fictitious approach of items, products, leading to strife. So alone. Free at the same moment. Heartbreak led me to you. Having to let go. So many just left me once they got what they wanted on a platter. Still my attitude remains the same. No change just a conscientious manner of floating sound. Flakes of stardust master the plan of a universe traveling on the magnetic pole. I stroll to the beat in my own zone. No one can tell the strength of pumping the feat of being out of control. No breaks. Just a different outlook. Hustling to the lessons stepping towards goals so riled up I got this!! Follow through automatic. Dense in spirituality causing enormous success. Its a demonstration of never ever ever ever giving up. Struggling to matter, for care, to be recognized in my world as something more than the number lying first on the list.
Not many may get it all, but I have learned thats not the point. The point is to understand yourself. To have a love so powerful with self that you see you and everyone else and want nothing more than to recognize them and love them as you love yourself. See the pain of nonsense arrives when you fail to love and take time to see YOU. I appreciate me. Am profoundly proud of me and all that ME entails. Me is not limited to just myself, but the ALL that IS. Simply put, I am a piece of the whole and at the end of the road, right now, at this moment I know exactly what is me. I understand everything that I want to be. I see you and you see me. I’m just grateful my dreams of knowing, exposing and being are taking place without a doubt. SO THANKFUL
Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.
Thinking on a whole other level
the thoughts that progress
simmer the mind
its all about time
timing of hearts and the strife that used to live
I’ve been made for a different reason
my presence made you better
at times I wish things could be better
that the latter of catering to love would endure
that they could see and not manipulate
but the triggering of what I know is meant for me
tremendously drives me to be
helping and sadly the walls once built
have been depleted emotions once felt
the grace of seeing you and understanding in its entirety too
are a disgrace to every lie you submit to
I’m beyond because of a broken heart
mended pieces arguably placed in various spaces
but the soul of who I am strongly walks with steps more confidently planted
squares once cornered
what I once thought I stood for
is showing a hunger for something brand new
Thankfully intentions purely represented
reciprocation authorized who I am
it will never be in disguise
asinine ways flex muscles weights
the talent in me will erase the pain I once knew and felt
all because I wanted to love you when destiny knew better than I
as I pace admittedly
I went backwards because of the care I had for you
but forgiving myself I had to
choosing whats right in my face
loving me in ways you could never even begin to be
your loyalty lies in self
but his will always be in me and gratefully I can accept
the ALL of LOVE standing in what was once
cereal box on tap
like Special K Im specially made
life like a figure 8
enlightened on a different plane
fellows constantly make mistakes
Not the one to be played
or I wished I could say so
Too many ideals
its the sex appeal
You want me
pleasing me is what you see
but the depth of you is not matching my needs
dont take it personally
Its the approach
the missing communication
Like third grade playground status
a whole lot of actin
you like me
you trip me
that relationship just ended before it even started
Organize your thoughts
miss me with the applause
its something about a boy
pretending to be a man
it just gets me to stand upright
gotta speak the song in my mind
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Author: Tamika Carlton
I am simply motivated, focused and always inspired!
Follow me on Twitter @OTMag